I think the reason I had not thought of this question before it that in 2009 it is pretty easy to find other swinger couples.  There are great websites, clubs, events and travel destinations just for swingers to find each other.  I guess the tricky part is not in finding other swingers but in finding other couples that you are both attracted to.

Although attraction is usually the first thing that brings swingers together (or at least it is for C and I), there are a few other things that I think are important to consider.

1. Swinging can be dangerous to the prime relationship if it is not built on a firm foundation of true love and honest communications.  If trust, love, commitment and openness exist, then the relationship is usually strengthened through swinging.  If however there is jealousy, insecurity and lack of honest communication, these problems will be magnified by the lifestyle.  Working through these problems, however in the lifestyle, can sometimes help all aspects of the relationship, since issues may come up that are never dealt with otherwise.

2. Straight, bi-curious, bi-comfortable and bi-sexual.  These all have different meanings to different people.  I have even changed my sexual orientation while being in the lifestyle.  I consider myself totally bi-comfortable.  When a girl is hot I can get into her, kissing, touching, licking all parts of her body….even pussy.  It is important to discuss this before so that no one is put in an uncomfortable position (It also goes for men!).

3. This leads me to full swap vs soft swap.  Not all swingers are into full swap and then there are others who are only into full swap.  This is where you need to have open, honest communication with your partner to determine what you are interested in doing.  Once the two of you have decided what you are comfortable with then you can let people in the lifestyle know.  This too may change with different people, experiences, locations.  It is definitely fluid!

4. Friends…..are you going to become friends with other people in the lifestyle or is it going to just be about the sex.  I have certainly found pros and cons to both.  C and I have made some friends in the lifestyle who we see socially (without any sexual activities involved) and are actually  making plans to have a play date with our kids in a couple of weeks (a little weird!).  We also have a couple that we really like but we only see them for sex.

5. How often are you going to engage in the lifestyle.  I have found this an important topic, especially when you have kids and other commitments.  If your entire life is the lifestyle that is okay but for us we like to make time for our own date night once a week which we spend alone and have a chance to re-connect,  we have a large group of vanilla friends we like to see, and we both have family who live near by that we spend time with.  For C and I we check email and websites at least once a week and go out about 1-2 times a month in the swinger world.

Again, I don’t think it is difficult to find other swingers today.  Take a few sexy photos and put them on a couple of websites like cafe desire, adult friendfinder, fling in the city.  Where you need to spend some time is deciding how you are going to incorporate the lifestyle into your life!

Related posts:

1. Attitudes of Swinging and Swingers
2. Swinger lingo defined
3. Roxy owes us all a post
4. The perfect mix for me
5. The etiquette of full swap