The first conversation…
Having been married for about 10 years and together for 14, my wife and I found ourselves very disconnected. So many things had come between us; time, careers, kids, stress…day-to-day life. Without even realizing it we both found ourselves tempted by so many things, but not each other. We let our complaisant selves take charge of our lives. I wasn’t able to connect with her, and she made the assumption that we were simply at a point in life where this was natural. The biggest issue, we didn’t discuss it. We kept our emotions and feelings to ourselves, and it created a gap…poison in the relationship and marriage. We both acted out, doing things that in hind sight, neither one of us should have done. We both had affairs – different in depth – but affairs none-the-less. But we were committed to make US a better couple and use the affairs as our “catalyst for change”.
For years we had casually agreed on the notion that sex and love are distinct. According to both of us, people can have emotional monogamy while experiencing physical and sexual variety. After coming clean on our affairs, we realized that so much of the reason we both engaged with others was simply to feel desired, hot, wanted…could we not do that together with others?
So the conversation switched from the “could” we to the “should” we? Having both realized the sexuality of the other we simply said, why not? So the planning began…
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