How it all started
Is it okay when a husband and wife cheat instead of being honest with their significant other? Of course not, yet why do so many couples do it? The feeling is that it is easier to live out sexual fantasies with someone other than your spouse. There is a sense of fear, uncertainty, and inability to talk to your partner about the sex life you truly want.
The assumption is that having an affair, and living out sexual fantasies, is easier than sharing those desires with your partner. The people in an affair have no true commitment with each other, hence making the affair an escape from reality. Couples would rather maintain the status quo than to create possible conflict and tension at home, so they avoid communicating. This does not work!
If you are open and honest with your partner you could be sharing the wonderful joy of sex. This means experiencing and experimenting with your sex life, leaving no aspect of your sexual creativity unfulfilled. There are so many topics around sex that couples don’t feel they can discuss.
These topics can include everything from bodily smells to threesomes. I think that sex became a taboo topic, so instead of talking about swinging or key parties couples turned to having affairs. So how do we regain the comfort to discuss sex with the one person who we should be so open with, our partner?
Someone has to take the first step. My husband and I used to “joke” about swinging. Neither one of us ever flat out said “no”, but we also never took each other seriously…..until now. After going for therapy (and still going for therapy) to learn how we allowed a gap to form between us, we rediscovered the love we share for each other.
With this new love and a stronger marriage than ever, we started to really talk about what lead each of us to have an affair. The only answer that kept coming up was for sexual diversity. This is what opened the discussion to swinging. This is how we changed our conversations from joking to action. We realized how much we want to be together as a couple, but still crave sexual variety and adventure.
We want to share ALL of our new sexual experiences together, which is why an open marriage does not work for us. We have only started our journey in the “lifestyle” but it has totally surpassed our expectations. It is crazy when I think about the anger and hurt that I experienced over the past 3 months surrounding the affair and how I truly wanted a divorce to completely being in love with my husband and feeling closer to him than I have in a long time.
If you do it together with your spouse, your marital sex life can be amazing again. And I mean truly AMAZING…….
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